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Monday, April 11, 2011

just me

feeling so winey.......

i just really wanna feel better - i was healthy on friday....all set for a new start at the club on monday........but then i did what i knew i should not have done - and ended up with a major setback.....now i need to recover all over again.....this is stupid

moreover it's disconcerting to learn that there are people out there that think i am being ridiculous. that i brought this on myself.......yes, truth be told. i DID bring it on myself. i disobeyed doctor's orders. and put myself at risk.  i played roulette with my health over and over again.....and i finally lost.

the thing that these people don't seem to realize is that i did not do this for my own personal gain. i did not do it for money or fancy clothes/jewels or fame.........i did it to help others. an for that i am punished and ridiculed......

and because of that i am winey....

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

struggles

my friend jen asked on her blog.....what do we struggle with and how do we cope with our struggles


i struggle with life

i struggle with trying to be the best me i can be and often falling short of the mark

i struggle with my desire for children (my own or adopted)

i struggle with my weight .... shape .... physical fitness (or lack of)

i struggle with 'selflessness disorder' (yes i coined that one) it's where you think and do for others before thinking/doing for yourself to an EXTREME

I struggle with depression - mild....not to the point of not wanting to get out of bed or end it all...just a darkness that sometimes won't go away.

I struggle with loss.....i was not ready to become an 'orphan' when my parents died

I struggle with keeping the family ties with my siblings when it's so easy for us to all go our separate ways in our busy lives

I struggle with chronic back pain - herniated discs in both my upper & lower back caused by degenerative back disease


i cope through music........so many songs from so many genres can express the thoughts and feelings i can not put into words

i cope through hope.......as an eternal optimist, no matter how bad it gets i can always see the silver lining.....somewhere

i cope through my faith, my belief in God and that there is a life after this in which we will all meet again and there is no more pain no more suffering.

i cope with the thought that tomorrow is another day to try again.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

a message from my little brother

FROM: Michael Dong
TO: pkudong; mtdsfc; scoobysnack4ya; izzyrox
Monday, April 4, 2011 9:25 PM

SUBJECT: Message

our sister took care of me yesterday

judianne called me a couple weeks ago to say she was going to be in the area

i was like ... you should call me.

i wanted to take judianne out for a nice lunch - that she would like - and talk and find out what was going on with her and just make it so that she would know i was so grateful to be with her.

so last week ... i got a guy moving so i have to shift my hours during the week - every week - until he moves - and the new guy moves in - i was worried i would have to tell judianne i couldn't make it...

i just watched bill burr comedy on netflix until i heard from her. (for two weeks .. huh)

all this time i asked her why are you going to be up here (in the country) ... i got nothing ... she just said i'm doing errands ... i'm like what.. .. who goes 80-90 mi. to do errands, but whatever.

judianne also wanted to call me before she got here so she wouldn't get lost .. .i'm like you can't get lost in sr .. .it's not like you're going to accidentally dirve into the sr projects ... but whatever

so she calls - i answer - i give her directions - meanwhile all this time i'm like i've got three or four places i want to bring her to and i don't know if she'll like any of them

she pulls up into the driveway ... oh, no you can't do that, glenn is coming home .... do you want me to move your car.. .. she looks exhausted ... yea .. i move her car...she's carrying a best buy bag ... i'm like you went shopping- she's like yea, it's for you.

judianne bought me a netbook! ! ! !

i did't expect that.i.i was just so happy to be able to see her and be with her .... she had to go right after...but i was really happy to see her and be with her for even that short of a time!

she set me up on the computer, netfix and facebook and that's why i'm on facebook. .. sorry if i'm a bad facebooker right now.

my sister, judianne is coo1...but i still want to take her out.i. i love judianne .. .i love my big sister

that was a pretty cool experience
xo mkd