misplaced feelings

so today is Cinco de Mayo......perhaps I will also remember it as the beginning of the end?
tonight he left for work and in the morning he will begin his drive to Texas where he will spend 10 days with his "niece" ....i use the term loosely. she is no blood kin but he seems to have fallen head over heals in admiration and adoration of her since he reconnected with her last year (after a lifetime of separation).

this is the second trip that he has made to see her in 12 months. this is also the second trip to see her that he has excluded me from.  he says he needs his 'alone time'. how can you be spending time 'alone' if you are engaged in interaction with another person that is not your wife?

and all i can do - for the second time in a row - is just sit here and accept that this is how it is. he chooses to spend his free time as far away from me as he can get. he has located another individual that pleases him and gives him everything he needs.

in almost 20 years of marriage we have only ever gone on three vacations alone as a couple. but every year he goes as far away from me as he can for as long as his job will allow. and i am ungrateful if i voice an opinion

does anyone hear me?

Easily Offended & Misunderstood

Sometimes I think that I must be speaking a foreign language. Even though the words that come out my mouth are English - seems like no one understands what I'm trying to convey. This leads to me jumping to conclusions & getting my feelings bent. Just tonight, as a for instance, I said something about today being OK - so I can't complain....I thought I was being sorta positive? But the response I got back was more or less (in my interpretation) we gotta stay positive even if we feel negative so yea be grateful .....which of course left me feeling hurt because how come I have to always remain positive &a never can have an off day when everyone else is allowed to go WAY off the deep end?  ....now was that REALLY what he meant by his response or was that just my interpretation?!? We will never know because - as is my typical modus oprendi I simply slink away - feelings hurt- not questioning or trying to clarify the message..... i am such a loser