i am just plain cranky....ornery.....

this was supposed to go away on its own. not take on a life form of its own. too look at me i do not look like i have an issue....well overfed/under exercised....but that is fairly par for the course.....but otherwise i look normal, no strangely bent limbs no over extended hump in the back, no brain goop pouring out of my head.

and yet.....i feel like a reject from the broken toys factory.........i can barely walk. driving is a chore. sitting is uncomfortable. laying down not good. stairs / curbs - nearly impossible. and running? FORGET it....should i have to run to save my life, surely i will perish!

it hurts all the time. it throbs. it is dull. it is sharp. i cannot straighten it. it hurts to bend it. it is not steady when standing. it crackles when walking.

imagine the worst possible pain you have ever felt  multiply that by 10 and then make it a constant never ending thing.

i FINALLY got up the courage to go to the doctor....to the best of my knowledge he has discounted my worst fear - it is not cancer - .....what it is is chondromalacia-patella . and it's not going away anytime soon.
i did the doctor thing. i asked for drugs. i can only take the drugs at night as they make me incredibly sleepy.......as if i can be MORE sleepy than i already am (from lack of sleeping due to IT) and dizzy....
i did the x-ray thing. and the mri thing. now i wait until friday to do the repeat doctor thing....

in the meantime i am NOT fun to be around. if i were you, i would avoid me at all costs!!!!!
i am ornery....cranky....not pleasant to be near