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Thursday, April 29, 2010

windows........roofs........fences........and more

dad's been gone for 4 months now. i still feel like picking up the phone to call him. or driving to the city for a visit........some day, i know those feelings will fade away. (i hardly ever pick up the phone to call my mom anymore ~ it's been 10 years now)

but, after 3.5 months and LOTS of pushing from mi familia.....i filled out the paperwork and now dad's insurance/401k monies have arrived. i sat on the checks for a while...couldn't bring myself to cash them...but i finally did put them in the bank

the GREAT THING is ....now i have this money --- i'm going to get new windows. PELLA VINYL DOUBLE PANED GLASS....and a new slider for the back yard that HAS A SCREEN so i can open the door and let the fresh air in but still keep out the flying creepy crawlies!!! .....i'm also probably gonna get a new fence and a new roof ...and definitely HOPEFULLY a new sprinkler system in the yard so i can dig everything up and replant/landscape my gardens..................thanks to mike and tammy's dad i'll hopefully be able to get all of these home improvement projects done with the $$$ dad left me.

oh yea, lest you think i'm being TOTALLY SELFLESS and spending it all on things for the house and nothing for moi.............tom took me to the streets of brentwood last weekend where i bought two pairs of shoes!!! (i've been quite neglectful of my little piggies of late - i think the last time i bought new shoes was 4 yrs ago! YIKES!!!! and hopefully i'll get back out there soon & get a couple more new pair! THANK YOU TOMMY FOR FORCING ME TO GO GET MY NEW SHOES! I LOVE THEM!!!)

but here's the thing that gets to me.......

i got 'all this money' (it's a good chunk...but it's not a SUPER HUGE amount) and people are like WOW that's soooooo cool! you are so lucky to get all this money! and i am grateful that i got it, i know i am lucky! and i'm trying to do 'happy' and positive things with it and not squander it away on a whole bunch of nothingness .....but i would give it all back in a heartbeat.....i'd give even more than i got............if i could just have my dad back for a little while longer................the money is not important to me......spending more time with my pops....that's what i really want.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

should i .... or should i not?

that is a daily question that comes to mind.............maybe it's more of an hourly question......seems like i am always making decisions...trying to choose the best option.

YESTERDAY's biggest SHOULD I or SHOULD I NOT involved a new business opportunity..........it involves being an independent consultant (been that before, was not so good at it)......it involves getting others involved - 'your downline' (tried that before too, failed miserably)....has the potential to earn enough extra $$$ to make life a little more comfortable financially speaking (heard that one before too)

so NOW the biggest question is WHY IN THE WORLD did i jump feet first again into the world of quasi-pyramid shaped (it's not a pyramid scam! but you do have to grow your downline if you want to expand your earning potential) independent self-employment?!?!??

well........i am always looking for that 'pot of gold' at the end of the rainbow....and just MAYBE this will be IT!!!!!

yes, i will be an independent contractor
yes, i will need to sponsor others to join the business if i want to grow my downline and  increase my earning potential

BUT
here's 
the
part 
that 
is 
different
from 
other
businesses
.
.
.
it's only $125 to buy into the business and right now the 'company' is offering a $50 sign-on bonus that you receive within two weeks of starting
there's also a $25 sponsor bonus for the first three people you sponsor 

so right there i can make my start-up money back with little effort

then there's the business itself
it's an information gathering organization.....all i have to do is spend about an hour a month collecting data for which i will be paid a commission.

i don't have to keep an inventory of stock on hand
i don't have to sell anything to anyone
i don't have to push people to 'book a party' 
i do it on my own time according to my schedule

it's so simple
it's stress free

how could i say NO to an opportunity like this?!?!?
are you intrigued now? do you wanna jump in too?

check it out at www.platefest.com
then call me or send me an email and let me know what you think!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

SUXXXXXXX

i was SUPPOSED TO go see jake owen @ club rodeo tonight with paula & her hubby.............i have been looking forward to this night for months (ok not EXACTLY THIS NIGHT cuz i didn't know the EXACT DATE that jake was coming....but i knew he was coming & i was REALLY REALLY REALLY looking forward to the event!!)

i was even having a pretty 'ok/ day at work....getting things done...catching up on some of the backlog that is my worklife......i didn't take a lunchbreak so that i could get out on time and head down to san jose to meet paula & derle at chevy's......very much anticipating my tortilla soup and fajita salad

BUT it was not meant to be................15 minutes before i was planning to leave in comes the boss utterly exasperated with me & my incompetence........now i could sit here and make up excuses.....like

we are so far behind because people don't turn in their billings in a timely manner so that i can process invoices & get them mailed out

our new software has the potential to do LOTS of great things that would streamline the office and help run things more effiiently....BUT the consultant/trainer that was supposed to get us up and running didn't know her arse from a tincan of whoopazz and so she was let go in the middle of the project and things were not properly set-up and i have had to teach myself how to work the program .....as well as figure out how to complete the set-up all the while trying to catch up on billing (see above)

my bosses graciously hired someone (two someones) to come in and help me get things straightened out...but the one 'in-charge' never seemed to do anything except run reports & wring his hands meanwhile the one that was helping with the day-to-day stuff actually screwed more up than she helped......and i've spent the last two weeks trying to figure out what she did correctly and what has to be redone.

to top it off my father had cancer. he lost the battle in december. i missed ALOT of work during december & january because of this......and it trickled down to me that i was being irresponsible and not doing what i was hired to do........HELLO? I JUST LOST MY FATHER...I AM NOW A FREAKIN' ORPHAN!!! no my head is not exactly on straight right now.....

not to mention i had some female problems.......had to undergo testing for the big C (THANKFULLY it all turned out to be false - seems stress is a HUGE factor!) now the insurance company is refusing to pay for the testing since they felt that it was for infertility.....what the F?!?! THERE'S A HUGE DIFFERENCE between infertility and C!!!!! so now i gotta come up with a few hundred dollars (i think it's over one thousand something) to cover the dr bills

oh yea...there's that S word....STRESS?!?!? seems that stress was the leading factor in my breaking a tooth in janurary as well.............................i have been clenching my jaw so tightly that i fractured the tooth clear in half...............and yea...the dental insurance doesn't wanna pay diddly since we go to a dentist that is 'out of network' well excuse the blinkity blank out of me....i have been going to the same dentist for 20+ years and i don't think i should have to change just because the NEW insurance doesn't want to 'cover' it!!! thankfully they appreciate us at the dentists' office and gave us a VERY DEEP discount and are allowing us to make monthly payments.

well...now that i've ranted on and on about all the 'reasons' why i could point fingers in other directions...ultimately the responsibility is mine......i took the 'chewing out' without shedding a tear....i looked him in the eye and agreed with him that it is all my fault. it's my responsibility and i am not living up to it like i should be.......and then i called my friend and told her i was going to have to cancel out on the show that i had so been looking forward to because i had obligations and responsibilities that i had to fulfill......i stayed at work......i was the last to leave tonight it was after 9pm....and still i do not feel that i have done enough to fulfill my obligations....i am shirking my responsibilities. i need to man up and get the job done.......if i need to work longer hours everyday then so be it. if i need to give up my weekends to complete my job then that is what i have to do.......i'm not gonna get a second chance to make things right.

it's up to me
i have to be responsible
i need to carry this load

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

procrastination

.....it's makin' me wait
.....keepin' me waiting

.......if i let it have its way.....i'll procrastinate my whole life away. as it is i think i manage to procrastinate through 20% or more of the day.......EVERYDAY

just as a 'for example'......today i did not want to get up and go to work.....so i dyed my hair instead......but i still had to go to work anyways DRATS!!!

AND THEN my delaying tactic for tomorrow...is that i'm going to stay up WAYYY WAAAAAY WAY too late tonight (look it's already almost 1am!) so i'll be TOO TIRED to get up on time tomorrow....................... <3

Monday, April 12, 2010

CUTCO KNIVES

THEY are awesome....
THEY cut through everything with precision.....
THEY are sharp.....
THEY come in two fabulous colors (black & white)
THEY have an ergodynamic comfort fit handle
THEY have a tang that reaches up through the handle (just like a GOOD QUALITY KNIFE should!)

i HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE them!!!!!!

i have owned them for almost 9 months now...and in that time i have used them half a dozen times and in that time i have gotten half a dozen new scars on my hands from the cuts they have inflicted on me....i'm afraid to use the complimentary scissors that come with them....i might actually lose a finger!!!

they are CURSED!!! the hob was not happy when he found out i purchased them.....said they were too expensive & it was money we didn't have.................WELL ever since that comment i have been doomed!

when my precious knives arrived i couldn't bear to take them out of the box because he was so not happy with my purchase decision......they sat for a good two months in a sealed unopened box. but eventually i HAD TO get them off the dining room table. so out of the box and on to the counter.

it was another 3 weeks before i ventured to use them for the first time...and promptly sliced my finger! chalk that up to carelessness......the second time i was more careful, got almost to the end of the cutting job before i knicked my finger.....the third and fourth times....well what can i say? OUCH! then came the time that i was being CAREFUL, i was being CAUTIOUS, i got through the whole cutting event without any blood shed!!!! i was overjoyed....until......i washed the instrument!!!!! it sliced the palm of my hand open! @*%(#&*($&(*!!!......NOW you might think that this is the end of the story. but no, my bff has CUTCO knives too....but their's are white (mine are black) and i've used their's in the past (BEFORE i got my cursed set) with no problems.........so i didn't think twice when i grabbed their bread knife last thursday and started slicing a baguette....it wasn't until that last slice...the one that went 3/4 of the way through the side of my finger....that i even considered that the curse could be contatgious!!!!!!!!


OUCH!!!!

Friday, April 9, 2010

SPRING.....bah humbug!!!!

spring has sprung....and it's gonna be a DOOZIE this year!

i wanna crawl in a hole & die.....or at least hibernate until summer's heat kills off ALL the pollen floating around :)

i am pretty much allergic to everything Mother Nature dishes out! (with the exception of cockroach dung!) and it is ALL IN BLOOM right now.  my sinus is swollen my ears are throbbing my bronchiole are inflamed.....there is nothing that i like about spring...AT ALL!...

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

McDONALD's and SHREK...wooohooo

mc donald's........or as olivia & i like to say (must use a haunting, mesmerized voice) MCDONALDSSSSSS
those golden arches conjure up memories of fun times & happy meals....the scent of golden french fries and thick creamy shakes....oh yea and don't ever forget the twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettucecheesepicklesoniononasesameseedbun!!!!!! LOL i still remember saying that in under 30 seconds on the radio to win the GREAT PRIZE of one case of LEO THE LION LUNCHEON MEAT and one case of MUGS OLD FASHIONED ROOTBEER!!! when i was like 8 years old!

and then there's SHREK in 3D!!!! so excited to see the new movie! love all the SHREK movies......love all the fairytale characters like the ginger bread man...the puss in boots.....there's so many little nuances that bring me right back to small kid time....and speaking of kids.....they are ALL excited for the new movie to come out......................

and WHY am i babbling on and on about McDONALDs and SHREK.....did ya think i TOTALLY LOST MY MIND?!?!

WRONG (well actually you MAY BE right...but ...)

i just signed up at HOUSEPARTY.COM for a chance to host a special McDONALDS & SHREK HOUSE PARTY!!! i hope i get selected! what fun we will have! i can see it now................my house turned into a movie theatre and instead of popcorn we'll be serving McDONALDs at the 'refreshment stand' :) ........h'mmm you wanna come to a party?! 

Monday, April 5, 2010

inadequately me

why do i never seem to measure up to the me i'm supposed to be?

the scales seem so unbalanced with all my failures piled to the sky to the left of me....my successes? h'mmm they seem to have vanished into thin air

i am really good at one thing...i am really good at being pathetic and full of self-pity......our small group discussion touched on this last week. i clammed up. i couldn't reveal to 'them' the person i really am.  i thought i was gonna take control of my life. turn it around and do something positive. now i know for sure that i am positively out of control and unable to make things right

but i do not want you to pity me. i do not want you to feel sorry for my ineptness my failure is my own i learned at a very young age that i would never amount to anything that disappointment is my  best character trait i don't do it right i don't give the effort

time to reinforce the facade