"I have learned now that while those who speak about one’s miseries usually hurt, those who keep silent hurt more.”


~ C.S. Lewis

Kenny Chesney: You & Tequila

Kenny Chesney: You & Tequila

jumping ship

just incase anyone is curious.
i've jumped ship......and i'm trying out a new blogsite....
http://izzyrox64.tumblr.com/

just me

feeling so winey.......

i just really wanna feel better - i was healthy on friday....all set for a new start at the club on monday........but then i did what i knew i should not have done - and ended up with a major setback.....now i need to recover all over again.....this is stupid

moreover it's disconcerting to learn that there are people out there that think i am being ridiculous. that i brought this on myself.......yes, truth be told. i DID bring it on myself. i disobeyed doctor's orders. and put myself at risk.  i played roulette with my health over and over again.....and i finally lost.

the thing that these people don't seem to realize is that i did not do this for my own personal gain. i did not do it for money or fancy clothes/jewels or fame.........i did it to help others. an for that i am punished and ridiculed......

and because of that i am winey....

struggles

my friend jen asked on her blog.....what do we struggle with and how do we cope with our struggles


i struggle with life

i struggle with trying to be the best me i can be and often falling short of the mark

i struggle with my desire for children (my own or adopted)

i struggle with my weight .... shape .... physical fitness (or lack of)

i struggle with 'selflessness disorder' (yes i coined that one) it's where you think and do for others before thinking/doing for yourself to an EXTREME

I struggle with depression - mild....not to the point of not wanting to get out of bed or end it all...just a darkness that sometimes won't go away.

I struggle with loss.....i was not ready to become an 'orphan' when my parents died

I struggle with keeping the family ties with my siblings when it's so easy for us to all go our separate ways in our busy lives

I struggle with chronic back pain - herniated discs in both my upper & lower back caused by degenerative back disease


i cope through music........so many songs from so many genres can express the thoughts and feelings i can not put into words

i cope through hope.......as an eternal optimist, no matter how bad it gets i can always see the silver lining.....somewhere

i cope through my faith, my belief in God and that there is a life after this in which we will all meet again and there is no more pain no more suffering.

i cope with the thought that tomorrow is another day to try again.

a message from my little brother

FROM: Michael Dong
TO: pkudong; mtdsfc; scoobysnack4ya; izzyrox
Monday, April 4, 2011 9:25 PM

SUBJECT: Message

our sister took care of me yesterday

judianne called me a couple weeks ago to say she was going to be in the area

i was like ... you should call me.

i wanted to take judianne out for a nice lunch - that she would like - and talk and find out what was going on with her and just make it so that she would know i was so grateful to be with her.

so last week ... i got a guy moving so i have to shift my hours during the week - every week - until he moves - and the new guy moves in - i was worried i would have to tell judianne i couldn't make it...

i just watched bill burr comedy on netflix until i heard from her. (for two weeks .. huh)

all this time i asked her why are you going to be up here (in the country) ... i got nothing ... she just said i'm doing errands ... i'm like what.. .. who goes 80-90 mi. to do errands, but whatever.

judianne also wanted to call me before she got here so she wouldn't get lost .. .i'm like you can't get lost in sr .. .it's not like you're going to accidentally dirve into the sr projects ... but whatever

so she calls - i answer - i give her directions - meanwhile all this time i'm like i've got three or four places i want to bring her to and i don't know if she'll like any of them

she pulls up into the driveway ... oh, no you can't do that, glenn is coming home .... do you want me to move your car.. .. she looks exhausted ... yea .. i move her car...she's carrying a best buy bag ... i'm like you went shopping- she's like yea, it's for you.

judianne bought me a netbook! ! ! !

i did't expect that.i.i was just so happy to be able to see her and be with her .... she had to go right after...but i was really happy to see her and be with her for even that short of a time!

she set me up on the computer, netfix and facebook and that's why i'm on facebook. .. sorry if i'm a bad facebooker right now.

my sister, judianne is coo1...but i still want to take her out.i. i love judianne .. .i love my big sister

that was a pretty cool experience
xo mkd

march......comes in like a lion

.....i've been going through the gray boogies lately.

thinking about all the people that have gone on to the party. i know they are there. having a great time. laughing....dancing....reminicsing.

but i am still here. and i feel alone.

i'm not ready to go to the party yet......but i was not ready for them to go either.
how do i learn to live again with all these holes in my heart?

georgie porgie

puddin' pie........
such a sweet little boy is george

he always tells me i'm tasty
and he doesn't mind if i tell him he has stinky toes

last weekend he got in an arguement with his brother when i said he's MY GEORGIE.....his brother said NO HE'S MY GEORGIE.....and george said NO I JUDIANNE'S GEORGE!!!

sigh
one day...i know...he will grow up.....and not be my georgie anymore.

BUT UNTIL THEN......

George Doyle Black @ 5yrs

photo safari

on superbowl sunday i got the chance to take my very first photography class......and it started off with a BANG!!!!

i was up SUPER EARLY and headed to SF......found parking in the 5th & Mission garage.....hoofed it on over to the Westfield Mall (old Emporium) only to find that the mall doesn't open until 1030 am on sundays.....WHAT THE?!?!? CLASS STARTS AT 830!!!!!

ok......so now what? where in the world would they be holding this class and why hadn't i been told that it was not at theiroffices?!? it took 45 minutes for me to locate them on my phone/internet connection.....run back to the garage claim my car and drive 1/2 across the city to japantown.........

sigh.....i've already missed the first hour of class......

but WOW!!!! the stuff i didn't miss - i learned TONS of things.....i now feel VERY COMFORTABLE and even PREFER to use my camera on the MANUAL settings!!!!

after a 1 1/2 hour break we began the SAFARI portion of the class ---- the part where we get to put what we learned into practice.......

discovering ISO

trying to get that depth of field perspective

starting to get the hang of it

FINALLY getting the hang of depth of field

PANNING & freezing action while keeping the background blurred

nothing much to say

.....just tired from a very busy weekend doing things i love.
and wishing there were more hours in the day so i could get to do them that much longer

i want to pick up my camera and just run.....ok walk....to the nearest photo op & just start shooting away......i want to scrapbook that photo shoot.......i want to show the world the way i see it

i want to care

i want a margarita (made my way)

hello......

....anybody home?
where did you go prolific word spewer?
why did you runaway
why did you leave without saying GOODBYE?

******************************************************************

IF there is anyone out there....i imagine that is what they might have been saying when suddenly i disappeared without a word.....without a trace

THE LAST thing i remember contemplating as somewhat blog-worthy was right before Thanksgiving.......WOW! now THAT seems like an eternity ago......and i'm not even sure i remember WHAT i was thinking of blogging................................................h'mmmm

well, i guess i will just have to move forward and forget what i have already forgotten.

Thanksgiving was a lot of fun. we had TWO dinners....
the Wednesday before thanksgiving we sat down with our 'OUR HOUSE' group and enjoyed a Thanksgiving meal.....then on Thanksgiving day i took olivia luke & george to my cousin' perri's house for thanksgiving with the familia. luckily pk came with me. the boys & the dogs didn't exactly start off loving each other......but by the end of the night they were all bffs!!!

scott & i ventured out at 230am on black friday to stand in line at bestbuy in 31 degree temperatures.......in hopes of finding some REALLY GREAT deals.......well he ended up with TOYSTORY the boxed set....and rob got an awesome (if i do say so myself) christmas present.....we went to bedbath&beyond (well scott went, i was still in line at bestbuy) for the NINJA and i got the most awesome turntable-tapedeck-cdplayer/recorder......then it was kohls......babiesRus.......a nice relaxing stop at mimi's cafe for a late breakfast (yes it was only 10am!!!!) then to target.....and home by 2pm.......we did some serious shopping damage - but we got just about everything we set out to find at pretty good prices! plus we had FUN

it was the week AFTER thanksgiving that i ended up sick......VERY sick.  swollen glands painful ears high fever.......had to go to the doc & get checked out. his first thought was mono...but luckily (or not?) it was just a terribly bad double ear infection!

it took FOREVER to recover from the ear infections.......and soon i realized that there would be very little holiday prep time......so once again - no christmas cards........and no christmas candies or cookies....but i did manage to get a triple batch of NUTS & BOLTS made and all the presents wrapped by christmas eve......

christmas was lots of fun rob & i went to the black's after christmas mass to share in the joy of the boys FIRST CHIRSTMAS (ok not REALLY their FIRST christmas...but the first one that they had a concept of santa coming the night before and leaving them the most awesome gifts!!!) then rob had to go home to sleep and work and i went to the movies (another family tradition)

.....NYE was tons of fun.........i got to pretend i was julia (as in CHILDS) for the day.....i made boeuf bourguignon to celebrate both new year's eve and scott's birthday........he mentioned that he liked chocolate cream pie too - so i got to make a childhood family recipe - bishop's pie......amy provided tons of appetizers and several bottles of wine and some tequila.......patty and aaron and aaron's brother derek came over to celebrate with us......and dave (next door) came by too.......poor luke, almost made it to midnight ~ but instead went to bed about 10 minutes before the ball dropped.....rob stopped by before going to work and tom got home from work before the clock turned to 2011......tons of FUN on new years eve and not a single picture to prove it........

sunday jan 2 i went to help olivia put together her gingerbread house....but 10 minutes after walking in the door i suddenly got a HUGE chill and within a few minutes was building a bad fever......i soldiered up and went to work on monday, but monday afternoon i got a text from amy saying that she had taken george to the dr's and confirmed that he had pneumonia...............well it didn't take a genius to realize that i had gotten sick from hanging out with him.....and on tuesday i went to my doc's and found out that i TOO had pneumonia.....................so there i was the first week of the year and already sick!!!! blah!!!

and here we are almost ready to start the 2nd month of the year and i am finally feeling healthy and whole again.....went to the club 5 times in the last 14 days and hoping to keep building my stamina & regaining muscle strength by going to the club more and more often over the coming weeks.

this morning my cousin susan called me and YES!!! i am now going to the summer MEGA COUNTRY SHOW.......kenny in april ..... tim in jun ....jason in july.....toby and sugarland in august and rascal flatts in september.............................with awesome opeing acts like billy currington, uncle kracker, luke bryan, eric church, justin moore and corbin easton.......VIP parking & a party before every show....it promises to be an AWESOME SUMMER!!!!