subversive self destructor

why....when things seem to be going good do i do everything in my power to sabotage them and make them go wrong?

i woke up yesterday actually feeling 'good' the day was a clean slate & held promise of great accomplishments....by the end of the night i felt like i was sinking in a mucky puddle of grey sludge & i have yet to find my way back out to the surface.

looking back and trying to be analytical (which is a super-human feat for my chaotic mind) i can see that i went to sleep with happy thoughts which brought me back to consciousness in a happy state of mind.....this only started to slip away as i set forth herculean goals to accomplish by the end of the day.

i quickly sank into a chaotic whirlpool of unorganized mixed up jumble and at the end of the day i feel as if i had accomplished nothing at all

they say hind-site is 20/20 so in retrospect i will try to put all the pieces of yesterday together and see if i can find something worthwhile to show that the day was not a complete loss:

752a woke up late for church
815a arrived late to Mass
930a ate WAY TOO MUCH for breakfast (thank you steroids for mucking with me)
1045a stopped at starbucks cuz my way too much breakfast was just NOT ENOUGH
1100a  into the office to try and do some of the work i did not get done in the past two weeks of being sick
300p should really think about leaving, but know that they aren't expecting me until 6 so figure to stick it out a little longer & hope to get at least one thing accomplished
445p running out of time. i really need to leave NOW but i am STILL trying to just get one single task completed.....got a lot of things started but not one thing is finished ...tomorrow will be a horrid day if i don't get something (anything) done NOW
506p LATE i'm never gonna make it home to get the steaks, wake up rob and get over there to cook dinner by 6p
602p pull into the driveway...run in and get steaks, change shirt & PU i stink (a little lady's speedstick did the trick)
610p VERY LATE....luckily no one is here. go directly to clean the grill.....start marinating their steaks...and WOOHOO!!! VERY EXCITED found some chicken sausage that i will enjoy for dinner cuz i am STARVING
630p making potato pancakes......
645p meat is ready to be grilled..........NO MORE PROPANE!!!!! change of plans. steaks on the electric griddle (ewww!) and no sausage :( no dinner :(
745p steaks are finally cooked everyone eat! ....no not me...i had a change of plans & no dinner tonight. but that's ok. i ate plenty at breakfast time!!!!! wine....enjoying it!
900p sitting by myself at the kitchen counter. where did everyone go....guess that means i should go home.
1000p laundry FINALLY in the washer.
1005p surprise texts from old friends across the miles
1145p still texting now im'g with good friends closer to home
130a clothes still in the washer - should put them in the dry but if i did that then that would be ONE THING that i accomplished today....and why should i start NOW?!